Monday, July 28, 2008

Crazy Drunken Pirates

So last night was the first of my going away parties...hosted by my lovely lovely ladies here. I was given NO information about the evening. I was told they'd be at my house at 3:30pm. We'd leave by 4pm. To wear casual clothes and flat shoes.

The girls start to show up and I notice everyone has a sweater or jacket. So I grab a sweater. But still I know nothing.

We get in the car and start driving towards Lancaster....I have NO idea where we are going.

We end up in Mount Joy, PA at Bube's Brewery. K tells us to go to the bar and get a drink while she "checks us in". L, D and I head to the bar, tell the hostess we just want a drink. She doesnt understand why we just want a drink and starts to ask if we're here for......L jumps in and says "no we don't want her to know why we are here". OK...what the hell is going on?

We have our drink and wander around. We're told we'll be taken for whatever is happening in the basement between 5 and 5:30. (was actually closer to 6). While we're waiting in the lobby area upstairs walks a drunken pirate asking if we've seen Bridgette. He wanders around calling after her. At nearly 6 Bridgette comes out. Apparently she's Captain Jacks' wife. Pirate and Bridgette tell us the story about how Captain Jack's baby brother was killed while the Captain was out at sea the past 6 months. Bridgette is hosting a dinner, that night and she's hoping for no bloodshed until after desert.

For those of you lost, turns out we were there for a Pirate's Feast. The group was divided up into the two ships whom one of which is responsible for the death of Captain Jack's baby brother. I won't spoil all the little details since some of you perhaps might want to go some day. What I will if you are easily offended...this is NOT the event for you to go to! I was nominated "Captain" of our ship by my lovely ladies...another guest with a celebration (a 27th birthday) was nominated my First Mate. (By the way..he was a totally cutie with a smokin hot brother who sat right next to us). Anyway....drunken pirate walks up to D and asks her how much her captain (me) is worth to her and if I need a rub down. D thinks he's kidding ..but pulls out $1. Drunken pirate says now he needs just $9 more, $10 if they want to get me the "hot wax treatment". K pulls out a $5 and L pulls out a $5. Next thing I know, pirate is behind me sliding my bra straps down off my shoulders (I had a tank on) and starts giving me a massage. Once I got over the shock of it..most of it wasn't too bad. Though when you aren't really EXPECTING a massage and are in the middle of a restuarant with 25 other people in the room its a little odd. That said, the wench, Ruby, offers similar treatment to the first mate, and he gets his shirt pulled off altogether for his massage. I know little of what is actually going on at this time as pirate had pulled off my glasses when he started. After a lengthly "rub down" he tells me dinner is getting close, so he'll leave me in anticipation of the "hot wax treatment" for a while. Pirate leaves, Captain Jack comes over. FILLED with crazy sexual innuendo, and extremely touchy feely. Now...I'm not a prude by any means...but seriously..if you are the SLIGHTEST bit easily offended..or just like me had NO idea what was going on..its a bit overwhelming. Captain Jack and drunken pirate take turns showering me with highly inappropriate attention. Let me tell you...within about 40 minutes in..all of our cheeks were sore from laughing so hard. In fact, even today my cheeks still hurt!

After dinner, before desert, drunken pirate comes back and says its time for my wax treatment. He asks me if I trust L, who is sitting to my right. I tell him I do now, we'll see about tomorrow! He has me lay back across L's lap and close my eyes. Now mind you...I wore and incredible LOW cut serious boobs hanging out last night. I close my thing I candle wax being poured ALLLLL over my chest with the pirate then breathing on it to cool it off. Now I don't know if any of you have every had any experience with hot wax....but let me tell you..its not sexy like it looks in the movies. I mean..its hot hurts like a son of a bitch! When he's done he tells me it can only be taken off with someone's lips or tongue and he's happy to oblige later if need be ( the Captain also offered his services).

Anyway...thanks to large quanties of wine, much of the other details escape me..but it was one hilarious, shocking, and highly inappropriate evening! Seriously..cheeks STILL hurt from laughing! The girls wanted to make sure my going away was memorable..and BOY was it. The guys in the office are trying to figure out how to get a hold of the girls to get pictures to use in my roast next week...I pray they don't...these are NOT the kind of pics I want out in the open!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

For the first time, horribly dissapointed by Apple

This Mobile Me transition has been a nightmare...first no more access to webmail since you have to have Firefox or Safari (or IE7 for SOME basic features) and like most of corporate america I'm stuck on IE6 with NO way to upgrade or install anything else. THEN MobileMe mail goes down altogether.... 5 days now... no end in sight....after trying all day finally got through to chat support tonight...but there was no point..

Transcript below..but bottom line...if you write me at my address normally...update your address books...write me at the same screen name on instead.

essica H: Hello Shelley. Thank you for your patience while waiting. What MobileMe billing, mail, or syncing issue can I assist you with today?

Shelley : I've not received any mail on my mobile mail account since last Friday. I would like to know when this issue is going to be resolved since the web site as said "ASAP" since Friday. I don't consider 5 days ASAP and am expecting several important emails regarding a home purchase I'm in the middle of.

Jessica H: Okay. I completely understand. The maintenance that the server that your account is on was not expected to take this long.

Jessica H: Right now the technicians are working around the clock to resolve this issue.

Shelley : What alternative exists? Is there a way to have mail forwarded to an alternate account?

Shelley : I've never experienced an outage like this, particularly with a service I'm paying for.

Jessica H: Not at this time. All of the mail will be present once the server is back up and running.

Jessica H: I wish that I had more information to tell you but all we know is that it should be up and running soon.

Shelley : I'm seriously questioning the value at this point, and its the first time I've ever been dissapointed by apple, but its a critical situation

Shelley : But how is "soon" defined by Apple?

Jessica H: I completely understand where you are coming from. The server is still undergoing maintenance. It could be an moment, or hour that it will be fixed.

Jessica H: We just don't have an ETA as of yet. I do apologize.

Shelley : Is that what customers have been told since Friday? A moment or hour? Because clearly that has not been accurate

Shelley : Is there an address I can use to send a formal complaint? I just don't feel like customers are being treated very well through this transition. One free month of MobileMe doesn't do me much good when I cannot access it.

Jessica H: I have a link that I can provide to you so that you can submit your comments about this situation if you would like.

Jessica H:

Shelley : I'd prefer a mailing address.

Jessica H: well, I can see if we can escalate your case.

Jessica H: You would be emailed then,

Shelley : But I can't receive email?

Jessica H: At this time. No.

Jessica H: It would be sent to an alternate email address.

Shelley : Maybe I don't understand what you are saying..what would I be emailed about?

Jessica H: I can see if we can escalate this request if you wouldn't mind waiting for a moment.

Jessica H: AS seeing that you were wanting to make a formal complaint

Jessica H: I can have a specialist contact you since we do not have an phone number or mailing address for a formal complaint.

Shelley : I have a hard time believing there is no address for a formal complaint, but go ahead and have a specialist contact me. I don't really understand what the specialist will do for me that isn't already being done.

Jessica H: I thought that would at least be an alternative since we do not have a means to provide to you for a formal complaint.

Jessica H: I submitted the request. It could take a few moments to see what can be done.

Shelley : Thank you.

Jessica H: Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.

Jessica H: I'll be right with you.

Jessica H: Okay

Jessica H: I have the corporate address link so that you can make a formal complaint

Jessica H:

Shelley : OK thank you.

Jessica H: You are welcome

Jessica H: Sorry that took a bit

Jessica H: I had to locate it for you.

Shelley : ok

Jessica H: That would be the link that you would use to make a formal complaint.

Jessica H: I am sorry for all of this.

Jessica H: I just wish that there was something more that we could do for you at this time.

Jessica H: Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Shelley : Me too.

Shelley : No

Jessica H: Okay. Despite the circumstances, I hope that you have a great day!

Jessica H: Please click the blue "Close" button at top left to answer a few questions about the assistance I provided during this chat, you will also have the option to request a copy of the transcript be emailed to you.

Shelley : ok

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hm...never got around to...

Finishing updating everyone.

Lets see...whats the latest....

Stuff is progrssing on the new house. Pass inspection with flying colors. Home inspector described my house as "perfect".

Got the paperwork to give the attorney in IL power of attorney to do the closing for me. Have to head to get stuff notorized AGAIN...why couldn't that have come last week when I was there and had a witness with me already? Now I need to sucker another witness into coming with me.

Stuff is progressing with the loan. Apparently the appraiser from the bank came back with some screwing input like the siding falling off the house and there being a homeowners association. I think we decided she went to the wrong house and are ignoring the specific comments.

On this offers yet. The only bad feedback we were getting was on the blue walls in the living they are no longer blue. Up until last week I was getting 3-4 showings a week. Last week nothing until Friday when I got a call at 11am for that afternoon (far from the 24 hours I was SUPPOSED to get). Then as soon as I got the puppy out of the house and got to the yarn store to kill time..they called and rescheduled for tomorrow. Wasn't that least they are still coming I guess. Nothing else for this week yet.

Got my buyout offer from the company...which is about $5k less than what I paid for the house and about $2k over what I owe currently. Which means even though our relocation policy lets me borrow the equity to close on the new house, there will likely be NO equity to borrow after the various least not much. Oh..and I can't TAKE the buyout offer until Sept 8. Nearly a month after the closing on the new house. Now..before you feel too bad for me....yes the company has a loss protection eventually I'll get the difference between the buyout offer and what I paid. And yes, the company helps cover dual mortgage payments for up to 30 eventually I'll get that back. But both are REIMBURSEMENTS. At this will likely be late Sept early Oct before I see any of that money...which means I need the cash not only to close on the new house Aug 11...but to pay both mortgages also. Should be fun!

Oh..and I'm such a dumbass....apparently I was sooooo focused on getting the fridge in the new house (it matched the other stuff too much not to get it..I'd never find anything else to coordinate so well) that in my head I decided the ONLY appliance in the whole house I wasn't getting was the fridge. So imagine my surprise as I'm reading the inspection and the section on the washer/dryer says "not tested due to not being included in sale". WHAT??????? Looked at my purchase agreement...yup..not there. Looked at the MLS listing...YUP..not included. SOOO...guess who know has to buy a new washer and dryer?? On the other hand..I don't remember the ones there being anything special..and figured I'd replace them after a year or two anyway... But I really wasn't planning on spending that money right now.... So..I figure..I'm only in the new house about a month before I leave for 2 weeks on vacation. I'll ride it out with a W/D that month. By the time I get back from vaca I should have gotten my reimbursements for the loss protection and dual I can put that money towards the W/D. And maybe the new big ass tv I need for the basement entertainment wall. And maybe pay off vacation. Oh..and buy whatever craft room furniture I haven't bought by then since I've got that stuff all saved in a Target list so I can see what's onsale/free shipping/etc.

Hm..guess thats about all for now..perhaps tomorrow I'll get to a knitting related post....

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Realized I haven't updated in a while...

At least aside my twitter feed!

I headed to IL on Friday, June 27 to do my househunting and a few days vacation. Mom, Elphaba and I arrived in Normal around 9pm that night. Hotel was a DUMP! I knew it wasn't going to be luxury because for some reason (which we found out later was a Jehovah's Witness convention)it was the only place which would allow dogs I get could a room at. I dropped a load of stuff in the room, and ran down to get more from mom who was watching it - because the hotel had no elevator and she couldn't carry stuff up the stairs. Got back upstairs..and keys didn't work. Went to front desk, they made 3 more keys. None of THEM worked. Went back to front desk, made 3 more keys. Clerk came back up with us. None of THEM worked. Master key DID work. Mom went in with stuff, Elphaba and I went outside. Room next door hadn't been checked into yet so clerk decided to move us next door. While waiting, mom finds none of the lights work in the first room. Get upstairs, mom's in the new room. None of THOSE lights work. Call front desk. While waiting for someone to come up I start fishing around...most of the lights were unplugged..desk light didn't work. We said okay. Overall cleanliness wasn't stellar..but I've seen worse. And the beds looked clean and newer so thats more important. Well...Miss Elphaba runs around 10 minutes and finds a dirty fast food sandwich wrapper someplace. YUCK! Again, not much to be done with no other hotel rooms available. Complained, had my rate reduced. I tell you this part so you'll understand why Saturday was the way it was...we were motivated to not have to stay in the hotel a second night - even if I did get stuck PAYING for the second night.

Saturday, realtor pics us up at 9am. We have 30 houses to see. She thinks we'll see most Saturday...has a couple lined up for Sunday. Many houses are in the neighborhood I really wanted to see...cute exteriors, beautiful porches, nice big sidewalks, garages in back. Adorable neighborhood. Well...every house we saw there was a dump. And we saw like 10 houses. Plus we cut out 6 we didn't look at because they were the same model as a unit I decided was way to small. There were some for sale by owner homes in the development I wanted to see that my realtor did NOT line up...I was a bit peeved about that..but overall...I decided that if all the homeowners were as careless as the ones I'd seen..I probably didn't want to live in that neighborhood afterall. Anyway...all in all we ended up seeing about 23 houses Saturday. There were really only 2 possibilities in my we went back for second looks on both homes between 3pm and 4:30pm. The first choice was obvious for it had the biggest finished square footage...including a already finished basement. Unfortunately, we'd been following the SAME realtor with some other out of town buyers ALL day..and he was coming back for a second look as well. We decided to make an offer..and because of the interest from the other buyer (and the fact that I think the sellers had priced REALLY low intending to sell fast) I offered slightly over list price while requesting appliances and a home warranty. While we were writing the offer, the sellers agent called my realtor to ask if we were making and offer and said to hurry and get it in (hinting that if we got our offer in first we'd get accepted). We did the paperwork, mom and I hit the road back to Naperville. 30 minutes down the road my realtor called and my offer was accepted!!!

Pics of the new house!

To be continued.....